this past year has been one of growth and pain. there are days when i have thought to myself that my life could not get any better or be filled with more blessings and there have been days when i have felt like my whole world was falling apart. God has become very familiar with my pattern of one day being on my knees in tears shaking my fists at Him and the next thanking him through tears of joy for all of the happiness i feel.
if falling in love makes you vulnerable, than having children is agreeing to your heart being a helpless punching bag to all that it brings. to say motherhood is an emotional roller coaster is an understatement. it takes me back to a quote that hung across the hall from my bedroom door growing up.
"Making the decision to have a child...is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~Elizabeth Stone
even everything surrounding having a child- getting pregnant, pregnancy, delivery, nursing etc.- has the ability to bring a mother to the end of her emotional rope and usually does. but sooner or later, the miraculous euphoric moments (even if few and far between) bring you back to the surface again. they renew your energy for motherhood and life and give you hope for the future.
the new little guy coming to our family has already brought us so much joy and worry and pain and tears. anticipating the summer ahead sends my head spinning into oblivion with all that will or could happen and if i let myself i start to unravel (cue fist shaking). but then i have the funnest game of hide and seek with Tennyson or feel a little love tap from mr. babe inutero and my heart soars.
i am so grateful for these tender mercies from God and the Holy Ghost witnesses to me that that is exactly what they are- tender mercies. they are God's way of communicating to me that he's watching and listening and cares deeply about my needs, wants and worries. i have gained a burning testimony of God's mercy for His children, especially His distressed mothers.
Behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of